4. “I Am a Bad American”
GEORGE CARLIN DID NOT WRITE THIS:
“I Am a Bad American”
Yes, I Guess I am A BAD American.
I like big cars, big boats, big houses, and naturally — big tits.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don’t care about appearing compassionate.
I think playing with toy guns doesn’t make you a killer.
I believe it’s called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I think I’m doing better than the homeless.
. . .
…And so on. There were a number of different variations of this long rant.
GeorgeCarlin.com stated explicitly that he didn’t write this. Twice. The essay has also been falsely attributed to other people like Ted Nugent or Denis Leary. The actual author is “Bootyist”, a user at FreeRepublic.com, where it had been originally posted in 2000.